4th
by Raven Lowe
Summary: I'm reposting some of my fics. This one is some of Seishirou's last thoughts as he is dying in Subaru's arms.


(AN: This is a songfic to Gackt's Song 4th and told from Seishriou's point of view as he is dying *sniffle* It's also a repost if you think you've read this before. And just a side note, the first line in each paragraph is the translation for the Japanese before it. Nifty eh? If you want more, please feel free to go to my site. http://www.farfello.com All of my lemons and such are there! Ja!)  
  
  
  
mabushikute...  
  
Dazzling. Ah, Subaru-kun, you have never failed to astound me. Even after everything I have put you through, how can you remain so innocent? You may not thing that you are still innocent. But you are. I can read you now just as easily as I could when you were sixteen. Or can I? Is your wish really to kill me?  
  
daichi wa kowasareyuku  
  
The world is ending.And I helped it to get that way. Funny isn't it? Perhaps your Kamui will win though. I doubt he will be able to fight our dark Kamui. But then again, I never thought that you would be able to fight me. Funny how things turn out.  
  
jiyuu o motomeru mono no akari  
  
This is the proof of the one asking for freedom. Is that person you Subaru-kun. Are you trying to free yourself from me? My death isn't the answer then. Do you think you'll be free of me then? No. I'll always be here Subaru-kun. You'll never be rid of me.  
  
kurayami...  
  
Darkness. That is all I am Subaru-kun. Darkness. And darkness is what you will become. But I do suppose this is your wish. And it's mine as well. Did you know that? Someone once told me that dying by the hand of your beloved was a truly wonderful thing. But are you my beloved, Subaru- kun?  
  
kioku...  
  
Memory. Yes, memory. There is so much of that in the human mind. So many memories, so many memories of you. We have reached our apex Subaru- kun. All that is left now is the climax and then the resolution. Did you learn that in school, Subaru-kun? Those are parts every great story must have, and ours is truly a great story.  
  
subete sonzai shinai  
  
Nothing exists. Enough said. All of those years never existed to me Subaru-kun. All of those years when I wasn't with you, they didn't exist. I can't remember them. Without you, there is nothing. All an illusion, a maraboshi. Is that love? If that isn't, I don't know what is.  
  
koko ni sonzai shiteiru  
  
It exists here. Here with you is my existence. Nowhere else. How ironic it is that you want to end my existence. Very ironic indeed. But now you become even more of my existence than you did before. You don't know that do you?  
  
ashiato  
  
Footprints. Ah, the random things that come to mind before death. But then again, not totally random. Memories are like footprints in the mind perhaps. Look at what you do to me Subaru-kun. Just looking into your glassy eye makes me spout nonsense.  
  
mioboe no aru keshiki  
  
The familiar scenery. Yes, Subaru-kun, I have killed here. Often in fact. I'm surprised you have even taken the time to notice. How very sweet of you. This place somehow seems right for what's about to happen. After all, this sort of thing doesn't happen very often now does it?  
  
dare no mono?  
  
Whose is it? This illusion of peace is very tight indeed. Whoever made this was very good at his art. I can feel it taking me away with it. Whoever thought it would end like this? Calm.  
  
watashi no de wa nai  
  
Not mine. The truth I assure you. When have I ever lied to you? Please Subaru-kun, don't answer that. You look so shocked. What is wrong, are you not happy. Ah, there is my Subaru-kun, forever angry with the world around him.  
  
tsumetai menazashi...  
  
Cold look. Can I bear to see the look in your eyes.excuse me, eye. I long to see that two eyed glaze again. You always did feel guilty for problem that were not your own. What I wouldn't give to see the blind trust in your eyes again, instead of the hard anger that has filled them. No, one eye will not do. In time you will have mine, and what a beauty you will be then.  
  
mune no naka de hibiku kotoba  
  
Words that resound in my heart. I ache to say them to you, but I find I cannot. Why won't they come out? I have never had any trouble expressing myself to you before. Could it be that I am free now? Am I the one who wanted to be free?  
  
Seijaku  
  
Silence. It resounds in the air around us. It is deep, penetrating. But not as penetrating as your loving hand. I wish that hand was not gloved. I'd much rather feel your soft skin than your silken glove. You are looking at me with an expression of horror now. Can I say it yet?  
  
mune no oku ni tsukisasaru  
  
Pierced into my chest. I never thought that you would be able to do it. Even now you astound me Subaru-kun. That's what made life interesting. But life is over now. And finally I believe I can tell you what I was feeling the entire time. Now, before it is too late, "I. ... you."  
  
kimi no you de aritakatta  
  
I wanted to exist like you. 


End file.
